Since When Are Beaches Bad News?
by TiltAWhirl
Summary: A simple little weekend trip to the beach ends up being so much more. A human!stuck fic in which Feferi is a bitch, Sollux can't swim, and Eridan refuses to take off his scarf.
1. Derse Beach

"I thtill don't thee why _I _had to come on thith trip." Sollux grumbled from the back of Eridan's car. He was currently squished up against the window since the trio's luggage was taking up most of the room. "I don't even like beacheth. They're too... thandy."

Feferi wrapped her head around the passenger seat so she was facing the grumpy boy. "Aw, cheer up Sollux, you're gonna love it! Trust me when I say that Derse Beach is absolutely the best there is!"

Sollux gave a sort of 'hmph' noise from the back, but he made no effort to say anything against the ocean lover in front of him. He had learned that arguing with Feferi never ends well for him. Fef is usually as cool as a sea cucumber, but she can be aggressive when she wants to be.

Fef turned back around and poked Eridan in the arm repeatedly. He tried, to no avail, to ignore her. "Wwhat, Fef?"

"Are we there yet?" Fef asked, with sparkly eyes.

"Yes, Feferi, wwe are _totally _at Derse Beach, evven though obvviously there are no signs a beaches anywwhere_ near_ our current location." Eridan's grip tightened on the wheel.

"Don't get an attitude with me, mister! If I recall correctly, you insisted on driving since it was your car!" Feferi snapped her head to look out the window, making her best attempt to ignore Eridan.

"Yeah, wwell-" Eridan was interrupted by Sollux snickering from the backseat. Eridan asked, "Wwhat's so funny, Sol?"

"You guyth are like an old married couple, with all your bickering over the thtupideth thingth." Sollux continued laughing, though he was cut short by a purple and blue suitcase toppling over onto him.

"Oh, put a sock in it." Eridan dismissed his comment like it was nothing. The car ride turned silent for a few minutes as no one had any idea how to keep the conversation going. Luckily the silence was cut through by the obnoxious dinging of something on the dashboard.

"Uh. Dammit." Eridan muttered as the car slowed to a stop. "This, this is not good."

Feferi turned back around and peered at the dashboard. "Empty?" She looked at Eridan quizzically. "But didn't we _just _stop for gas, like, less then 20 glubbin' minutes ago?"

"Yeah, wwell, I got kinda sidetracked." Eridan's royal purple eyes shied away from Feferi's as she narrowed her magenta eyes. "That's all there is to say on the matter."

Fef gave him another look, but she let the matter slide. "Hm. So, what do we do now?"

Sollux, who had been slowly drifting off to sleep, decided to speak up just then. "I thaw a thign that thaid Derthe wath about 5 mileth from here. Maybe we could walk there?"

Eridan gave him a dismayed look, but Feferi seemed okay with that idea. "Shore, why not?" she shrugged.

So after about 6 minutes of grumbling, falling suitcases, and yelling, the trio headed in the direction of the beach.

* * *

What should've been an hour long walk took almost twice that amount, due to Sollux's poor sense of direction, Feferi's insistence on not carrying her own luggage, and Eridan's griping about the smallest things. When they did finally arrive at Derse, and Eridan felt like ripping of Sollux's head for the umpteenth time, it was well past sundown.

They trekked over to the hotel that was on the complete opposite side of the beach, checked in, and got their room, Room 413. On the way up, Feferi had to smack Eridan twice for flirting with the bellboy, and Sollux, who has a thing about elevators, insisted on taking the stairs. He almost tripped down them.

Once they got into the room, they all flopped down onto whatever piece of non-table furniture they could find.

Feferi got up from the pale green couch she was laying on, skipped to the bathroom, and in no time she was donned in her magenta one-piece swimsuit. "I'm going down to the beach. Anyone wanna come?"

"No thankth." said Sollux. He had gotten up from his position on the bed and was now occupying the couch Fef was previously sitting on. He was tapping away on his laptop, muttering something about exploding viruses. He paused, and looked back up. "Wait. You're going to the beach at 8:30? ...Why? It'th, like, cold out there."

"You reelly should come, Sollux! Derse Beach is _so _pretty at night!" Feferi got that starry look in her eyes. "The moon reflects off the ocean just right, and the water is practically shimmering with life and excitement! Isn't that right, Eridan?"

"Wwhat?" asked Eridan. He was half-asleep on the bed closest to the window.

"I was just explaining to Sol about Derse at night. Remember we used to come here all the time as kids?"

Eridan sat up and gave a half smile. "Yeah, it sure wwas nice."

Feferi frowned a bit. "Why don't you come with me? It'll be just like old times!"

"I don't really feel like it..." he nervously scratched the side of his neck underneath his blue-striped scarf. "I'm kinda tired, y'knoww? Maybe tomorroww?" he turned his attention the the window.

Feferi pouted. "Fine, I guess this poor defenseless maiden will go out into the hard world all by herself." she fake swooned. She noticed no reaction from the boys. Time to turn this up a notch and pull one she learned from Vriska."With nobody to protect me from the_ studly _men who would _love _to take advantage of a lone beach babe."

Sollux was the first to make a move. He nervously scrambled to his feet. "You know what, I think I'll go. Might ath well, huh? Heh heh..." He dashed into the bathroom, changed into his bee-striped swim trunks, and grabbed a towel. He was ready to go, though he noticed Eridan didn't move at all.

He walked over to Eridan and sat next to him. "You thure you don't want to come? I thought you loved beacheth and thit?"

Eridan shrugged him off. Sollux found this weird, as normally Eridan would do anything to get the better of Sollux. "Well, don't do anything thtupid while we're gone, 'kay?"

Eridan gave a barely audible mutter of agreement. Sollux gave one last look at Eridan, shrugged it off as his usual hipster-y shit, and soon he was out the door arm-in-arm with Feferi.


	2. Scarves are Unsafe

Sollux shivers as he and Feferi make the way across Derse Beach. The sand that normally would've been hot and scorching was nice and cool though. There weren't any 'studly men', as Fef put it, in fact, there were almost no people around except them two. There was a gathering of people on the far side, but they were too far away to be of Sollux's or Feferi's concern.

They picked a spot fairly close to the shore. Feferi sat down closer to the water, close enough to get her feet wet whenever the waves rolled in. She hugged her knees close to her chest, and stared out at the ocean with a thoughtful and sad look on her face.

Sollux walked over and sat next to her. "Hey FF, ith thomething up?"

"No." She paused. "Okay, yes, something is very much up. I just can't enjoy myself knowing that my moirail is sitting in a hotel room all by himself."

"Moi-what?" Sollux asked.

"Moirail. It's part of this 'perfect relationship' thing Karkat made up. Basically it's like being soul mates, only more platonic." Feferi explained. Sollux gave her a weird look. "I know, it's silly."

Sollux gave a snort, but didn't say anything about it. He cleared his throat. "Tho, what'th thith about Eridan, then? Thurely thith ithn't the firtht time ED'th been by himthelf thomewhere."

Feferi gave Sollux a weary look, before saying what she wanted. "Yeah, whale, things are different. I thought bringing him out here would cheer him up, but evidently it has not. You sea, Eridan has... destructive tendencies. Add that to the often violent mood swings he's been having, and things don't end up so well." Fef sighed. "It's a good thing he's such a failure at almost all things ever."

Realization dawned on Sollux as he finally understood what she meant. Her wrapped an arm around her protectively, but his mind drifted to other things. Feferi rested her head on the boy's chest. It suddenly felt a lot colder outside. Sollux's multi-colored eyes drifted back to the hotel room window.

* * *

Eridan sat on the bed alone, something that happens far too often for him to admit. He had already taken off his scarf and threw it on the opposite side of the room. He didn't want to look at it, let alone wear it. It was a terrible reminder of the bruises on his neck. He gave a sad chuckle as he recalled the time he tried to use it. The scarf wasn't able to support his weight and he ended up pulling the ceiling fan out of the ceiling.

He was currently caught up in a book. It was one he read thousands of times, about a poor, mistreated boy who turns out to be some sort of legend in the wizard world. There were 7 books in the series, but the first one was his favorite. He was so caught up in it that he didn't notice the fact that someone had entered the room, or that the same person had sat right next to him.

"Hey ED, watching readin'?" asked the last person Eridan had wanted to see at the moment. Eridan let out an unmanly gasp and tumbled out of the bed. He ended up tangling his limbs up in the green and blue sheets, and landed in an uncomfortable position on the floor.

Sollux snickered at him. "Um, a little help, please?" Eridan asked. Sollux reached over the bed and grabbed Eridan's hand, only to be pulled down by his on/off rival. "Oh you are tho on, fith fathe!"

The two wrestled with each other, eventually getting even more tangled up in the sheets than before. Sollux elbowed Eridan in the face, knocking off his glasses. Eridan returned the favor by digging his nails into Sollux's arm. Eridan flipped the two of them so that he was on top of Sollux. "You know, you look better without thothe thtupid glatheth." Sollux gave a mischievous smirk and flipped so he was on top.

His nail dug into Eridan's arms as the dark-haired boy wrestled to get this computer nerd off of him. Sollux had an evil grin on his face, but it disappeared as he noticed Eridan's neck. He grabbed the boy's face and moved it over to the side. Eridan's neck was littered with bruises of all shapes and sizes. Eridan tried to move away, but Sollux's grip was tight.

"Whoa, FF wathn't kiddin'..." Sollux muttered to himself. Before he had a chance to do anything about it, Eridan kicked the boy off of him. He grabbed his blue scarf and put it on hurriedly. He dashed out of the room, leaving nothing up to discussion.

He passed by Feferi in the hallway. She let a small "Eridan?" escape her mouth, but he went by too fast for her to say anything. She stormed into the room ready to rip Sollux to pieces.

"Sollux, what the glub did you do?!" Feferi yelled as she entered the hotel room.

"I didn't do anything! We were wrethling and then I notithed hith neck had a thit ton of bruitheth on it, and he flipped out and ran away!" Sollux explained as he scrambled to his feet. "I thwear, that'th it!"

Feferi threw up her hands in exasperation. She grabbed a black jacket, slipped it on, and rushed out of the room as well, leaving the computer nerd by himself.

* * *

**A/N: Whoa, heavy shit in this chapter! I'm not even the slightest bit sorry for this because I feel like this could totally happen but aurgh I royally screwed up everyone! They're so OOC! Bluh bluh hopefully I'll get better at this at some point. Euh, anyway, please R&R, guys!**


	3. How To Make A Scene

Feferi ran through the halls shouting Eridan's name, which gained her many rude looks for some of the other hotel guests. "Oh glub off!" she shouted at one especially rude woman with bright cherry red hair who had been standing outside of her room. The woman in question flicked off Feferi. "Oh, is that how you wanna play, bitch? Bring it!" she yelled back, holding up both middle fingers. The woman harumphed and entered her hotel room, slamming the door behind her.

She found Eridan sitting in the lobby, sitting in a couch hugging his knees to his chest. He wasn't crying, though it's not like that's something he does in public anyway. He was just staring into space, lost in his own head. She starts making her way over to where he is, but she is stopped my a large hand gripping her shoulder.

"Excuse me miss, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." said a gruff voice. Feferi turned to see a man, about 6 feet tall. He looked like he'd be a nice enough guy if it weren't for his intimidating height and stature. He let go of her and crossed his arms over his chest. "We've been getting complaints about a teenager with wavy dark brown hair who has been disrupting our guests."

"What?! I didn't-" Feferi began to defend herself, but the man held up a hand. She clammed up, and noticed the cherry red haired woman from earlier standing to the side with an arrogant smile on her face.

He looked around, and then leaned in to whisper. "I'm real sorry miss, it's just my job. We'll give you until tomorrow afternoon to pack up your stuff and whatnot." he gave a sad smile, one that Feferi returned back to him.

"Alright." she looked over at Eridan, who didn't seem to have noticed she was a mere 20 feet away. "But what about my friends? We were gonna spend the whole weekend here!"

The large man followed her gaze. "Your friends will have to leave as well." he put a more gentle hand on her shoulder. "Like I said, we're giving you until tomorrow morning."

Feferi sighed in defeat, but still kept up her defiant demeanor. No use letting this guy think he's one her over completely. Eridan had always told her to go out with a bang, and she'd be damned if she didn't follow his advice at a time like this. "Fine!" she yelled. "This hotel had terrible customer service anyway! The rooms were drafty, the elevator's too rickety, and the decor!" she gestured at a vase with a sunflower in it. "Who thought of putting ocean blue starfish on a lime green vase anyway?" she swiped at the vase, causing it to teeter over and smash onto the floor.

"Oops." she said quietly. The shattering vase snapped Eridan out of his daze, and he stood up quickly.

"Feferi?" he asked. "Wwhat are you...?"

Feferi ran over to Eridan and cupped his face in her hands. "Eridan, listen to me. I may or may not have gotten us kicked out the hotel. You go get Sollux and meet me outside, alright?" she left him no time to respond as she ran out of the door.

* * *

Eridan flew into room 413 as dramatically as possible. Sollux looked over. His face was a mix of confusion, happiness, and 'what-the-hell.' He stood up so face that he almost tripped over the book Eridan left on the floor. "Hey, you alright? You theemed kinda-"

"Pack your bags Sol, wwe're leavving!" Eridan looked around the room for his purple suitcase, only to find it halfway underneath a bed. He leaned down to pull it out, but it seemed stuck.

"Pack?! We haven't even been here an entire three hourth and ith 10:00 at night! Why are we leaving?!" Sollux asked.

Eridan sighed and stood up. "Apparently Fef got us kicked out. She told me to get you and meet her outside." He put finger up to his lip and he furrowed his brow. "Hey, can you givve me a hand wwith this?"

"Thure." Sollux reached down and grabbed the suitcase by the handle. It took a whole lot of strength and non-existent muscles, but Sollux managed to unwedge it from its spot. Sollux muttered, "What did you even put in thith thing?"

"It doesn't matter, just get your stuff and let's go!" Eridan said, with his usual air of bossiness. Eridan was carrying his and Fef's suitcases, while Sollux was carrying pretty much everything else.

"Alright, alright!" Sollux stuffed his laptop into his bag and grabbed his suitcase. The two boys rushed out of the room and ran down the hall. Sollux stopped them when they reached the elevator. "No way are you gettin' me in that thing! I'm takin' the thtairth."

Eridan rolled his eyes. "C'mon Sol, it's only four floors! And the elevator is _right glubbin' here_!" he proved his point by gesturing to the elevator as it made a DING sound. Eridan got behind Sollux and tried (successfully!) to push him in.

Sollux curled up into a ball and sat in one of the elevator's corners. Eridan couldn't tell, but Sollux was internally freaking out. He hadn't even been within 5 feet of an elevator since that night with Aradia when they were younger, and that was something he just didn't want to relive.

Eridan looked over at Sollux, who was now slowly rocking back and forth. "Hey, you alright?"

"I'M FANTATHTIC!" Sollux replied. Eridan gave him a concerned look, but didn't pressure him on it. He knew better than that. The elevator slowed to a stop as they reached the first floor.

"Sollux get off the floor, we need to leave!" Eridan tried pulling him up to no avail. Sollux started screaming hysterically at Eridan. "You can't make a scene in an elevvator wwhen there's no people around! That's just ridiculous!"

It was obvious to Eridan that Sollux wasn't moving anytime soon. He pulled out his phone and dialed the first number he could think of.

"Uh Fef? Wwe havve a problem."

* * *

**A/N: This chapter was a bitch to write! I guess that's what happens when you decide to stay up until the wee hours of the night writing chapters for your fanfics (I NEED A LIFE). It's a good thing I start writing almost immediately after I finish the previous chapter, or else I'd be pretty much nowhere with this! Ugh. I should just go to bed. Nighty night.**


	4. The Fourth Chapter Part 1

**A/N: I AM STILL ALIVE! I'm and so so so so so sorry for not having an update in over two weeks! It's just, this chapter was hella hard to write, and I'm not even fully done with it. In fact, I would've waited until I was fully done with the chapter to post it, but I felt bad for holding out on you guys for so long. EUGH. I'm a terrible person. This A/N is getting long, how about we just get to the story then?**

* * *

"Okay, okay, so... let me get this straight. Sollux... won't get out of *huff* the elevator? Well, *huff* what the glub was he doing in there anemoneway? I thought he had a thing against elevalators!" Feferi was out of breath. She had just jogged halfway across Derse Beach to outrun those security guys, only to receive a call that Sollux was having a breakdown.

Eridan was trying to explain the situation, but it was a little difficult to hear him with Sollux in the background.

"Okay, put me on speaker phone, alright?" she waited a second, until Eridan gave the okay. "Sollux? Can you hear me?"

His hysteric screaming had diminished into rapid huffs of breath. He made a sort of uh-huh sound. "Okay, listen to me. I don't know what your eel, I mean, _deal _is with elevators, but you have to calm down. Nothing is going to hurt you, alright? Just calm. Down."

She waited until his breaths became less rapid, though they were more ragged than anything. "Alright, now listen to Eridan. I know you two aren't the best of friends, but he knows what he's doing and heeeAAAH!-" she had been walking throughout the conversation, and was currently face first in the water after having tripped over an oddly placed metal detector. Her phone came flying out of her hand and landed into the ocean. Feferi dove after it, but it was no use. It was already sunken, and now it was useless anyway.

"Ah, tartar sauce!" Feferi yelled as she picked herself up off sandy floor and brushed as much sand off as possible. "I shouldn't get too far if I'm planning on meeting up with the boys." She lazily glanced over to the hotel, which seemed pretty small from this distance. "Oh, I hope they're okay."

* * *

"Feferi?" Eridan called into the phone. There was no response. Eridan quickly surveyed the situation. Sollux was blubbering random things about elevators, Feferi seemed to be disconnected, and now they're going up to Floor 5 since someone pressed the stupid ding-y elevator button.

Eridan pressed his finger against a random number. 3. They were going to stop at Floor 3, so that gave him a little bit of time to get Sollux to snap out of it. Time to be a tough guy again. He grabbed Sollux by the shoulders, hoisted him up, and slapped him in the face.

"Wha... why...?" Sollux rubbed the side of his face. He seemed mostly okay now, but you could only tell otherwise by his eyes. He was scared out of his mind, and not because of Eridan.

"Get it together, man!" Eridan yelled at Sollux. "Feferi may or may not be in danger right noww, and you're sitting in here blubbering like an idiot! Face your fears and get over it!"

The elevator dinged, and Eridan pushed Sollux out, along with their stuff. Eridan spun Sollux around so that the two were face to face. "Get a grip, Sol. I don't knoww wwhat the deal is here, and I don't think you wwant to tell me right now. But currently it is 11:05, Fef's wwaitin' for us somewwhere, and I am about _this close _to havvin' another breakdowwn! Get it together or so help me I wwill personally make your life a livin' hell!"

Sollux took a couple of deep breaths. He was still very visibly trembling, but now at least now he had stopped that screaming.


End file.
